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Mass culture instills in us the belief that to truly love someone is to dissolve into that person, to become one with them.
However, the prospect of being the very couple who always and everywhere go only together, having no idea how to survive even a fleeting parting, should actually terrify you. After all, the lack of a person's own interests, desires, needs that can and should be realized, leads to a loss of self.
Let's break it down point by point, why such a situation occurs.
1. You're sacrificing your interests
Before you sacrifice your interests in a relationship, ask yourself why you need such sacrifices at all. If you and your partner initially have too little in common, as well as adhere to fundamentally different views in important issues for you, the very existence of your couple is highly questionable.
Either you long and tediously have to look for a compromise, or someone will have to make sacrifices, while realizing that someday this decision can be greatly regretted.
When you fall in love with a person, you are ready for a lot, but it is important not to overdo it. When you forget about your own interests in an attempt to please a girl, you lose yourself and start giving up what is truly valuable to you.
2. You don't stand up for what you think
You may mistakenly believe that in a healthy and happy relationship there should be no conflict and disagreement. But that's not true: the worst thing is to remain silent when you feel disagreement and inner dissatisfaction with the situation.
Your willingness to agree with your soulmate just to avoid ruining the mood of the two of you is destroying your relationship in the long run.
On top of that, you're also destroying yourself. When you submit to your partner by silencing your disagreement, you lose yourself, your voice, your individuality. You voluntarily stop talking about what you think and feel, gradually adjusting to the other person.
3. You don't feel your self worth
If you constantly allow your personal boundaries to be violated, dictate to you what to do, put your partner's interests ahead of yours without a chance to find a compromise, you lose your self worth. Gradually, you stop believing in your abilities and become fixated on self-improvement for your partner.
Perceiving your worth through the prism of a relationship is a huge mistake. This way you make yourself vulnerable to various manipulations, give the other person the right to make decisions for you, try to get approval and make the other person happy in the first place. At the same time, you completely forget that you are valuable as you are.
4. You have no personal space
Lack of personal space hits a person hard. If your desire to spend time separately is not respected, you begin to feel limited. Everyone needs at least an hour a day, which can be spent on thinking about topics of interest, analyzing recent events, your feelings and plans.
Sometimes the reason why you don't have personal space is yourself. This happens if you become obsessed with your girlfriend, literally live her, her needs, desires and interests. Be that as it may, lack of personal space in the long run can lead to a loss of individuality and doubts about who you are.
5. You stop socializing with your friends and loved ones
When diving into a relationship, it's important to strike a balance of socializing with your soulmate and those who were in your life before she came along. Don't forget that you have friends, buddies and family. Walking away from them, stopping spending time with them, limiting meetings and distancing yourself is a losing proposition.
First, you isolate yourself and risk losing important social ties. Secondly, you lose a part of yourself along with the people you care about: you stop discussing topics that interest you, you stop doing hobbies together, you stop visiting places you used to like to visit, you stop making plans for the future, and so on.
You don't have to choose between having a relationship with your girlfriend and socializing with your friends. Both are an important part of your life, so learn to keep a balance, otherwise you'll not only lose people, but yourself as well.
6. You put your partner first
For a variety of reasons, you may place too much importance on the presence of another person in your life. Sure, relationships, especially healthy and long-term ones, are valuable. But they should never come first.
You shouldn't assume that your happiness and fulfillment depends on the other person. Once you make him or her the center of your universe, you will begin to willingly submit to his or her needs and wants, relegating your own to the background.
This severely limits your growth and development, makes you dependent, and robs you of the ability to be yourself in relationships.
7. You compare your relationships with others
You see happy couples around you all the time. They make declarations of love on their social networks, give each other expensive gifts, and show that everything is going well. Unwittingly, you can start comparing your relationship with someone else's, while drawing conclusions far from in your favor.
Of course, any comparison is a direct path to disappointment, because it seems as if other people have everything easier, better, faster and so on.
As a result, you're left with a sense of dissatisfaction with what you have now. Doubts about yourself and your relationships will make you feel the need to change. Even if you were more than happy with the way things were going, you may begin to transform your habits, goals, and values.
As a result, after a while you won't feel the happiness you want, nor will you get any closer to perfection. The only thing you will accomplish is losing yourself.
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