How to survive a painful breakup so that you don't feel ashamed of your actions in the future

  • Chloe Evans by Chloe Evans
  • 5 min read
  • 4 November, 2024
How to survive a painful breakup so that you don't feel ashamed of your actions in the future

Breaking up a relationship is an ordeal that can knock out even the strongest person. The painful emotions that accompany this event can affect your behavior and make you feel ashamed of your actions some time later.

It's important to remember that getting over a breakup with dignity is quite realistic, and it doesn't require a Herculean effort on your part. Here are some tips that will help you cope with a painful breakup without giving yourself reasons for regret in the future.

Avoid public accusations

When emotions are running high, it's easy to be tempted to put your ex in a negative light for others. But try to control yourself: public accusations only aggravate the situation and can hurt your reputation in the first place. Those who do not know what exactly happened between you, accusations can be perceived as an attempt to relieve themselves of responsibility and get the favor of others.

Refrain from making public accusations or confronting each other in public. Instead, try to focus on your own feelings and experiences, which it is desirable to discuss in a circle of the closest and most trusted people. This will help you establish control over your emotions and avoid rash actions.

Don't demand anything from your ex

A breakup is a difficult time in life, and it is not uncommon to make various demands on your partner. No matter how strong the temptation to demand explanations, apologies or the return of any material resources, it is important to find the strength not to give in to it.

Remember that only your humility and willingness to let go of this part of your life will allow the two of you to move forward without unnecessary pressure or stress.

Accept the fact that you have no control over the other person's behavior, but you still have every right to control your reactions.

Don't aim to find a new soulmate right away

Finding a replacement in an attempt to dull the pain of a breakup may seem like a logical step. But remember that most often it is a short-term illusion of joy that doesn't solve the core of your problem. Give yourself time and space to sort through the relationship and your own feelings. The process of self-discovery and personal growth takes time.

Only after you've vented all your emotions, lived them out, and connected with yourself can you lay the groundwork for a healthy, long-term relationship. Until then, if possible, try not to go into self-deception and especially not to drag another person into it who is not to blame for your bad experience.

Don't humiliate yourself trying to get back into a relationship

Accept the fact that the relationship is over. In a fit of desperation, you may want to go back to the past, but trying to repair the relationship by any means necessary can humiliate you and destroy your self-esteem. Instead of begging your ex to come back to you or feeling sorry for you, try to focus on yourself - on your interests, goals, and personal development. This will keep you from making mistakes and preserve your dignity.

Don't impose or show up in your ex's new life

When a relationship ends, the first thing you should do is to accept the circumstances. This may not be easy, especially if you have strong feelings left in you. However, it is important to remain respectful of personal space.

After a breakup, there comes a time when everyone has the right to a new life. Allow your ex-partner to move on and start living a new life yourself as well, without dwelling on the past.

Frequent attempts to get back into your ex's life can not only complicate your recovery process, but also cause shame for your obsession in the future.

Don't resort to destructive behavior

When you're facing severe emotional pain, you may be tempted to seek solace in destructive behaviors. This includes alcohol abuse, gambling, illegal substances, or reckless behavior. These behaviors will only make the situation worse, bringing you only short-term relief.

Instead of destructive behaviors, try to focus on positive and constructive ways to cope with the breakup. Devote time to yourself: exercise, start a new hobby, or do something you've been putting off for a long time. Let yourself live your feelings without trying to drown them out, and gradually they will subside.

Avoid impulsive words and actions

In painful moments, it is very easy to commit an impulsive act: write a hurtful message, make a scene, or try to take things back by manipulating feelings. However, it's important to remember that any action done under the influence of strong emotions can have long-term consequences.

Before you say or do anything, stop and take a deep breath. Try to reflect on your feelings and understand which of them are pushing you to do something. You may want to postpone important conversations and decisions until your emotions have subsided and you can think more soberly.

Don't turn your social media into a personal diary

Social media can serve as both positive and negative tools in the breakup process. It's very tempting to use them as a platform to vent your feelings, find support, or even manipulate your ex. However, before you share your pain and resentment with the world, think about the consequences.

Consider whether it's worth sharing such a personal experience online. It may be better to leave this topic for face-to-face conversations with close friends who are able to offer support and provide valuable advice.

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