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It's normal to feel devastated, frustrated, and depressed after a major fight with a loved one. These emotions can appear even if you have solved the problem or found a way to reach a compromise.
Unpleasant residue one way or another remains in the soul after any conflict. But if you leave it unattended and let the feelings go, you can wallow in negativity, and also contribute to the deterioration of the relationship.
Instead of giving in to your emotions, it's better to try to deal with them in a healthy way - here are a few ways to come to your senses after a major fight.
Deal with your emotions instead of suppressing them
Don't push your feelings away or lock them away in the back of your mind - rather, try to acknowledge what you are feeling and call each emotion by its name. This helps to reduce the intensity and degree of negative impact that anger, sadness, guilt and other feelings have on your mind.
You can also write down everything you feel on a piece of paper. Don't try to make the text artistic or coherent - just spit out everything that has accumulated in your soul. Reread what you've got to process your thoughts and figure out why you're feeling the emotions you're feeling.
This practice will help you zoom out and redirect your mind from negativity to rationality, which will help you feel better.
Use grounding techniques
To deal with the jitters that rage after an argument, use the grounding technique. It helps to calm down, as well as focus on the present moment to gain clarity and realize that the unpleasant situation has long since ended.
Immediately after an argument, you can take time to do some box breathing. You need to inhale for four seconds, then hold your breath for the same amount of time and exhale, again slowly counting to four.
Grounding techniques also include taking a hot or cool shower, groping objects of different textures with your hands, gradually tensing and relaxing all the muscles of the body.
Whatever grounding technique you choose, do it for about five minutes or until you feel a little more relaxed.
Distract yourself with a physical activity
After a fight, it is always tempting to pout or wallow in your thoughts if you feel guilty. To get out of feeling down and depressed, you need to distract yourself with something that gets you moving.
Make yourself get out of bed and go for a walk, prepare a healthy snack, do some exercise or dance to your favorite music. You can also do some aggressive cleaning if you're really pissed off - vacuum, beat the carpet, or scrub the floor by hand with your best effort.
Why do you need to do physical work after an argument? Stressing your muscles and focusing on a challenging task will help blow off steam and clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts.
Try to learn a lesson from the conflict instead of just tormenting yourself
It's not pleasant to argue, but it's worth recognizing that you can't always be in agreement with each other. And it's quite possible that you say not what you mean when you're stressed to the max and trying to get your point across.
It's not pleasant to realize that you've said something unnecessary in a fit of anger, or to remember that you've been told hurtful words. However, instead of wallowing in unpleasant thoughts, learn to learn from the conflict.
Apologize for saying something hurtful, try to forgive if you realize that your partner blurted something out in the heat of the moment rather than with the clear intention of hurting you. Let go of the situation rather than focusing on it, and draw useful conclusions that will help you overcome conflicts in the future.
This mindset will help you move on, as well as get closer to your soulmate.
Share honesty and vulnerability
It happens that the resentment received during a quarrel grows into such strong emotions that neither journaling nor distraction helps.
In such moments, try to show honesty and vulnerability by talking to the person about your experiences. Talk specifically about your own feelings, not about how wrong he or she is or what words he or she should not have said during the conflict.
Remember that no person in the world can not easily recognize what is going on in your soul, until you tell about it. Talking honestly about your emotions is helpful for three reasons: it helps you communicate how you feel, it helps you delineate personal boundaries, and it helps prevent future unpleasant incidents from happening again.
Your partner may also want to express their emotions in response to your monologue - don't push them away and listen carefully. This will help the two of you to calm down, realize what moments during the quarrel were particularly unpleasant, and refrain from doing similar things in the future. This is what real intimacy is built on, as well as respect and trust for each other.
Give yourself time to cool down
Sometimes words hurt you to the core, and then you feel like you can't calm down. In order not to aggravate the situation, spend some time alone. Be sure to say you want to be alone - you don't want to suddenly distance yourself from her or turn off your phone on your way out the door.
You can go visit family for the weekend, go for a long walk, or spend a few hours in the next room locked up - no matter which way you create a temporary barrier and distance between you.
Once you realize you've been able to control your feelings, talk to your lover about what happened, especially if you never found a way to resolve the conflict between you.
Sometimes it's better to take a step back and come to your senses, being alone, than to continue the fight or to be around a person, the mere sight of whom makes you more irritated, not because you don't like him, but because the dispute was too hot. Let the heat die down and the conversation become more productive.
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