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Grief is one of the most powerful human emotions, accompanied by a general sense of disorientation, of the meaninglessness of further life.
True grief is usually triggered by loss. It can be the loss of a loved one, the rapid collapse of a career, or the inability to maintain a familiar lifestyle.
The only positive characteristic of grief is its finitude. Sooner or later the feeling is dulled, and acceptance of what has happened comes.
However, this process is non-linear in nature. Cycles, depending on the person and circumstances, take different amounts of time. The greatest danger lies in the last stage, when the desired relief suddenly rolls back to the previous experiences, sometimes with doubled force.
The nature of grief
Grief is a collection of negative emotions. Anger, fear, sadness, and unbearable pain are put into one consciousness, literally turning it inside out. And each component can have its own cycles of activity.
One day you are overcome with guilt, the next day with dread of an uncertain future. This is why the “stages of acceptance” are often misleading. It only seems to the person that the transition to the next stage has taken place, but in reality they have only dealt with one of the negative emotions. The other elements still exert a strong emotional pressure.
Acceptance itself is perceived as the end of the road, but it is a fork in the road, a turning point after which true healing or false remission occurs.
It is important to realize that acceptance does not lead to oblivion or the complete disappearance of pain. Rather, it is recognizing the loss as part of life. What has happened cannot be changed, but the story does not end there. This conclusion is hindered by an emptiness that needs to be filled with something.
Some psychologists recommend a change in perspective. Call the emptiness space, and the meaning will change dramatically. One thing absorbs, another takes in, including new views, goals and dreams. After this emotional shift, you can move on.
Search for meaning
When talking about the search for meaning, people usually mean replacing what has been lost with something else. Naturally, this is perceived as unhelpful advice. Try replacing a loved one or a lost life's work, just like that, switch at the snap of your fingers, forget it and get on with your life.
Viktor Frankl survived the Holocaust and wrote a book, Man in Search of Meaning, where he described not only the hardship, tragedy and loss of individuals, but also the human ability to find meaning in life and moments of peace, even in the most horrific circumstances.
His secret was to seek new meanings not externally, but internally. It is not external objects that need replacing, but the inner world that is on the verge of splitting and collapsing into the abyss.
Experiencing the grief of loss, it will not be possible to silence the pain and just move on. You will have to rethink what happened, ask questions: what to do next, how to live in the existing reality?
The main task is to turn the loss from “the end of something” into “the transition to something”.
For example, love for a person who is no longer there can be supported in different ways: to continue his or her work, to adopt some views and principles that make that person so special to you, to help other people in a similar situation.
All this does not diminish the significance of the loss, but allows you to get along with it, to find inner meaning.
Loss Integration
In the transition to acceptance, the integration of the loss into everyday life is crucial. Here again a shift in focus is required, which will certainly prove to be the most difficult process.
Psychologists use the term “gratitude” - it sounds outrageous, but it makes sense. A lot has been lost, and you can't get it back, but there is something left - and that is what you should be grateful for. We are talking about memories, habits, hobbies, maybe some things that have a special meaning. All of the above will be a ray of light in the realm of darkness as long as you need such a guiding star.
Integrating loss begins with letting go of guilt. Often people feel guilty for failing to prevent a tragedy, for not saying the right words, or for saying too much. It is necessary to forgive yourself, otherwise reconciliation will not come.
The truth is that none of us is perfect and what has happened does not matter. Grief will drag you into the past and you will try to take refuge in the future to counteract it. However, the most effective tactic is to live in the present. Awareness and focus on the present moment allows you to distract yourself from bad thoughts and get back to living life to the fullest.
Healing purpose
In addition to suffering, grief can provide an impetus of unprecedented strength, which will sweep away any obstacles on the way to a new goal. This does not necessarily mean radical changes in life, but rather a rethinking of the chosen path.
However, some people do change beyond recognition, giving up bad habits, devoting themselves to serving something sublime. No matter how cruel it may sound, but sometimes grief and loss awaken a person, make him start a real meaningful life.
There is no universal template for integrating and redirecting grief to the path of creation. Finding such a purpose is a deeply personal endeavor for everyone, but it is always a transcendence of one's former self. The rewards are great.
A meaningful and worthy purpose breaks a person out of confinement. The shackles soaked with grief seem to fall off one's feet, the reason to live emboldens and opens up the outside world again.
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