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Fear of rejection is a feeling that is probably familiar to all of us.
The fear of hearing “no” in your professional or personal life can paralyze you and severely limit your opportunities. If you can overcome this fear, you will become free and independent of the words and actions of those around you.
Let's look at a few strategies to help you take control of your emotions and become more confident.
Remember that rejection is a part of everyone's life
Rejection is a natural part of the human experience. Each of us has been rejected, is being rejected right now, and will be rejected many times in the future.
It's not because you didn't explain your request or offer well, it's not because you lack the gift of persuasion or communication skills, and it's certainly not because you're a bad person or unappreciated. No, of course, these reasons can also be influential, but in most cases people say no simply because they don't want to or can't do something.
You yourself have probably often said “no” because you were lazy, didn't have the time, or didn't have the right knowledge and skills.
All in all, rejection is not the end of the world. It doesn't define your value or the potential of the idea you're about to pursue.
Start seeing rejection as something everyday and commonplace. Someone's “no” doesn't mean you should abandon your endeavors and switch to other tasks. Rather, it's a signal that you should look elsewhere for support or opportunities, take your request or suggestion to someone else.
Don't think that someone owes you something
Seriously, stop thinking that someone is obligated to fulfill all your requests and expectations. Often you may think that people around you should help you, support your ideas or agree to your suggestions.
In reality, they can do it when they want or when it is convenient, but they are not obliged to. Their consent is conditioned by their willingness and ability to help you. Accordingly, refusal is just a sign that the person is uncomfortable and does not have the resources to do so.
Therefore, an important step on the way to freeing yourself from the fear of rejection is to realize that no one owes anyone anything.
Every request you make is an offer to which you can get any response you want, positive or negative. Only by accepting this state of affairs, you will be able to get rid of false feelings of resentment or injustice, maintaining good relations with others and at the same time not suffering from low self-esteem.
Focus on the process, not the outcome
Shift your focus from the end result to the process. Often rejection feels like a disaster to you simply because you are fixated on your expectations and ideas of what your future should be.
You may fantasize that everyone you approach for help or with a proposal will gladly say yes, but that's too naive. Instead, try to pay more attention to the activity itself, the process that leads you to your desired goal.
The outcome is not predetermined, and this gives you the freedom to try to achieve what you want in different ways.
By focusing on the process, you reduce the pressure of uncertainty. Your energy goes into finding new solutions rather than fear of possible failure. What's more, this approach helps you learn from every interaction with the people around you, pushing you to grow personally.
Avoid self-criticism
Rejection can cause you to resort to self-criticism. You'll think you haven't worked hard enough to get your point across or convince the person of something. You end up over-criticizing yourself, undermining your own confidence and only reinforcing your fear of any negative response from others.
In order to eliminate the fear of rejection, you need to learn to distinguish between constructive and biased criticism.
Constructive remarks to yourself help you become a better person, while unjustified ones, on the contrary, destroy your self-esteem and lead you to a personal crisis.
Try to practice self-support and self-compassion so you can redirect your focus from self-criticism to growth and development. Instead of focusing on your own mistakes, focus on what you can improve.
For example, you could ask a few people for favors or, going the opposite way, start relying less on other people's help.
Develop resilience to rejection
Coping with rejection is actually an important skill. Resilience to rejection can be developed gradually, viewing each “no” not as a failure but as an opportunity for growth and learning.
This approach requires you to change the way you view rejection: instead of seeing it as evidence of your own failure, see it as an experience from which you can learn.
You can also help yourself develop resilience by remembering and analyzing the reasons for rejection. By doing so, you can realize what you did wrong or modernize your requests and offers in the future. This will help you grow personally and develop self-confidence.
Have a backup plan
Finally, to definitely get rid of the fear of rejection, you need to have a backup plan.
The most effective way to get rid of anxiety and stress is to have a backup plan in case you are told no. When you have an alternative to your main strategy, you feel more confident and less afraid of possible rejection. You become less dependent on the words and actions of the people around you, which means you can rely on yourself and your strengths.
Having a backup plan worked out in advance avoids feelings of helplessness and reduces the stress associated with uncertainty.
In addition, having an alternative gives you the opportunity to experiment and take justifiable risks, which can lead to the discovery of exciting new opportunities. Realizing that you always have other options will help you become more confident.
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