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It happens that after a breakup you don't know what the right thing to do is: whether to distance yourself from your ex-girlfriend as much as possible, or to try to communicate with her as friends.
If you are in pain and also not much time has passed since your breakup, it is best to follow the “No Contact” rule. What it consists in and why it is worth sticking to it, we will tell you further.
What's the point of the “no contact” rule
When you have broken up with a girl, it is necessary to cut off all ties between you. That is, you need to stop calling, texting each other, seeing each other and every now and then look at her social media page, checking how she is doing.
The goal of this tactic should not be to make your ex miss you or bring her pain. The “No Contact” rule is necessary in order to rebuild your own life, get over the breakup emotionally and physically, and get through this unpleasant situation without adding to your own pain and stress.
In addition to refusing to communicate directly with your ex, it is worthwhile to communicate less often with your mutual friends, especially if they are always trying to talk about her. Of course, this is a temporary measure, to break off relations with them is not worth it, but still for some period of time the amount of communication with them will have to minimize.
Why this rule works
It doesn't matter how long you dated a girl and how peaceful the ending of your relationship was. Breakup always brings pain, even if you were its initiator, and is also accompanied by a lot of confusing emotions.
You may feel free yet frustrated, make bright plans but suddenly feel significant sadness, hopelessness and anxiety. And it's normal, just like remembering moments of a bygone relationship.
Switching to No Contact gives you more time to process the loss and grief in a healthy way. Ultimately, this will help heal your heart, accept the fact that the relationship is over, and get back to dating when you're ready.
Plus, following the rule prevents you from getting back into a relationship, which is helpful if you've gotten out of a toxic romantic relationship or realize that you and the girl are simply incompatible. By cutting off communication, you avoid the possibility of starting over, which can turn into new pain and disappointment.
Is it possible to reconnect later?
There is no specific amount of time that should pass before you contact your ex-girlfriend again, because every breakup is different.
You might realize that you no longer need to communicate with her and delete her number from your contact list. Or you may realize that she is dear to you as a friend, and want to talk to her now and then.
If we talk about the time frame that should pass in the “No Contact” mode, focus on three to six months. As a rule, this is enough time to get over the breakup and heal the mental wounds.
However, it is important to consider not only the number of days that have passed, but also your emotions. Ask yourself: do you have feelings for the girl you used to date? If your answer is “yes,” wait to get back in touch.
If your answer is no, think about why you want to get back in touch with the girl. Your desire may be due to the need to reduce awkwardness in the company of mutual friends and return to spending time with them or simply to establish a friendly relationship with her. In this case, you can gradually return to communication.
It is worth noting one more nuance: if your relationship with the girl was toxic, offensive and brought a lot of pain, do not restore contact with her in any case. After all, it happens that, returning to our lives even in a different status, people continue to behave as before. You hardly want to face hurt, criticism, insults and similar inappropriate behavior towards you again.
What to do if you really want to break the “No Contact” rule
So, imagine that you have given up communicating with your ex, but every now and then you catch yourself thinking of resuming it. Yes, it can be really hard to resist the temptation to text or call her, especially when you're sad or nostalgic about your relationship.
And you may also notice your hands reaching for your smartphone or computer mouse to go to your ex's social media page and see what she's posting.
In order to resist such urges and not prevent yourself from recovering from the breakup, it is important to do other, more useful things.
Keep a diary
Pour your heart out on a piece of paper when you feel your emotions are running high and you want to contact your ex. Write down what you feel and what thoughts appear in your head to reduce the heat of passion, calm down and further understand why the breakup makes you so anxious and worried.
Spend time with your friends
Talk to your friends who are not in your ex-girlfriend's social circle, as well as trusted relatives, about spending more time together or chatting occasionally.
By socializing with them, you're less likely to feel lonely, which means you won't think about calling your ex as often. Social connections are one of the best ways to cope with stress and find joy, especially in times of hardship.
Immerse yourself in a hobby
The time after a breakup is a great time to start investing in yourself again. Find out what you enjoy, or find a new hobby to dive headfirst into. Hobbies help boost your confidence and get you feeling good about yourself - which is why you should turn to them rather than socializing with your ex.
Keep your phone out of reach
We tend to mindlessly scroll through our social media newsfeed when we're bored. But that can be exactly the reason to break the “No Contact” rule. Whenever possible, keep your smartphone away when you're bored.
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