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If you feel uncomfortable being around people, you are not alone. Not everyone can stay calm when they have to spend time among a noisy crowd or in a large group of strangers.
However, locking yourself up at home and becoming a hermit because of this is not worth it, because social connections are extremely important. There are several ways to cope with negative emotions when you are among people - take note of them.
Remind yourself of good experiences
Often when we are in a crowd, we may catch ourselves thinking: people are definitely judging me. Or you may worry that others will think you are strange or that they won't like you.
These thoughts are caused by anxiety that has settled in your soul due to feelings of discomfort or low self-esteem. In these moments, it's important to remind yourself that the words your mind tells you are not always true.
Yes, all of us will have difficult social situations in our past that can make it difficult to relax among people. Remembering them makes us nervous and embarrassed, as well as anxious.
In addition, our brains like to generalize - it can make you think that one or two awkward situations that happened in front of a lot of people will compromise your social skills and are likely to happen again.
To stop feeling uncomfortable, it is helpful to recall a few times when you felt accepted, understood, valued, and loved.
The next time scenes of people judging and disliking you and making fun of you pop into your mind, switch to pleasant memories and experiences.
Don't let your mind paint worst-case scenarios that may never happen. Set yourself up for realistic “storylines” of life. By doing this on a regular basis, you'll start to notice that you find it much easier to be around people and stay calm.
Focus on the topic of the conversation
You may feel nervous whenever you have to strike up a conversation with new people. Often this can cause you to get stuck in your head, thinking not about how to keep the conversation going, but about the unpleasant impression you're making on others.
To avoid falling into this trap, focus on the topic of conversation. Immerse yourself in the discussion completely, without letting extraneous thoughts enter your mind and ruin your evening.
Think up questions for the interlocutor, remember stories from life that will be appropriate to tell. This will help you make a good impression, and at the same time you will be less nervous, even if you have to interact with a lot of people.
Ask yourself if a confident person would worry about it
Self-confident and socially savvy people say just as many “strange” things as those who do not like to be in crowds and have difficulty socializing. The only difference is that the first category of conversationalists are not bothered by it at all.
If for an anxious person an awkward moment seems like the end of the world, a confident person simply doesn't care. They know that they do not need to be perfect to be loved and accepted. By the way, few people like Mr. or Ms. Perfect - for the most part we are attracted to human and understandable people, just like us.
Next time you feel bad around people, ask yourself: what would a confident person in my shoes think or do? And then tell yourself that you are that confident person.
Remind yourself that people don't have to like you
If you feel like people around you are judging you and that makes you uncomfortable and nervous, remind yourself of one simple truth: no one has to like you.
You don't need the approval of others to be a good person. And your happiness doesn't depend on those around you.
This reminder is a measure to help deal with the irrational fear of judgment that often arises in crowds.
Here's the irony: when we stop seeking people's approval or fearing that they will judge us, we become more confident and relaxed. This makes us attractive, and it also helps us stay comfortably in any crowd.
Behave calmly, even if you are blushing or sweating
Often being in a crowd is accompanied by symptoms of anxiety: sweating, flushed face, trembling in the hands and feet. This only adds to the discomfort and makes you feel out of place.
Even if your body is giving you a hard time, pull yourself together and tell yourself that this is no reason to worry. Try to stay calm so that you don't show others how you feel, and you don't create an awkward situation.
By the way, until we drop our eyes to the floor or try to frantically hide signs of anxiety, most people around us may not be aware of our condition. People sweat if they're hot, your hands may shake due to fatigue after a workout - there are little reasons your body does this.
Remember, the less you fume about your shortcomings or what's going wrong, the less it's noticeable to other people. So keep a calm face and go about your business as if nothing is wrong.
Practice being in uncomfortable situations
The natural reaction to uncomfortable situations is to want to get out of them as quickly as possible. But here's the problem: the more often you avoid them, the sooner your brain internalizes that they are a disaster and a real danger.
If you want to stop feeling uncomfortable being in crowds, you need to practice being among people. That way, you'll train yourself that it's not as scary as you think it is right now.
Train your brain to do the opposite by fighting nervousness and staying patient. Over time, your fear can grow into confidence that you can handle any crowds and social situations.
Start small, such as a short ride on the bus or subway. Then, once you've gotten used to it a bit, go to crowded places to walk around and feel that the people around you aren't as judgmental and unpleasant as you think they are.
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