by 
Sooner or later, most people face disappointment. Some dreams will remain unfulfilled, and the images that create a picture of an ideal life in the imagination will not materialize.
Usually the moment of realization is years behind the events that closed the window of opportunity. One missed time there, made a wrong choice here, went in a different direction hoping to shorten the path, and got lost. Then comes the next, most ordinary morning, but you wake up with a heavy thought: you will not become what you wanted. You turn on your side, run your hand over the sheets, open your eyes, look around and realize she's gone. There's no hope anymore.
The world seems not to have collapsed, but for some reason you don't want to look in the mirror, and all activities seem to have lost their meaning. It is not clear what to do now and for what purpose, how to live on? Obviously, you need to want to become someone else.
However, the process of personality reformatting is not easy. If not all, then many areas of life are subject to reassessment - from career aspirations to goals and values.
Freedom from hope
Hope can keep you pleasant company, give you strength, give you peace of mind and confidence. There is also a downside. Over the years of idleness and unrequited love, it reincarnates, becomes false. For some time the effect remains the same, or rather, it feels the same, but the main detail changes dramatically.
Hope no longer inspires, but restrains, does not encourage action, but imposes meaningless waiting. You are still good together, but there are notes of falseness in the relationship. Then comes that very morning when you wake up alone with mixed feelings. Disappointment, confusion, even anger, but also some lightness that seems completely out of place. That's what you should focus on.
This lightness is weightless, any draft can blow it away, you have to grab it faster. Take a good look at what you've got in your hands. It's freedom! An opportunity for a new beginning without looking back at the past.
Your old dream will not come true, most likely because you were not active and persistent enough. So, it's time to consider other, more adequate and realistic options. The main thing is to remember that freedom is always trying to escape from the cramped walls, and those around you will want to knock it out of your hands, giving unsolicited advice, occupying time and attention without any benefit.
Break the harmful bond
Somewhere in a parallel reality exists a fantasy version of you. A man who has realized his dreams and has been on top of the world for a long time.
Hope played the role of a link, complimented or rather flattered, pointing out the many similarities between you. Now it's time to cut ties with that image. It is not you and never will be.
Chasing a phantom only takes time, which can be exchanged for all sorts of things, achievements, desires.
Say goodbye to your alternative and unrealized self without envy, regret or anger. Almost every person has such doubles, often several of them. The only difference is that some people over time begin to play the role, cosplay the image, while others realize the discrepancy and begin to rebuild their own lives.
Short-term perspective
Don't repeat the mistake you made earlier, don't try to structure your life for years ahead by choosing a new grandiose goal.
The resulting void will be filled gradually. You don't need a complex and even more strict plan of action. On the contrary, let yourself into the embrace of improvisation. The main thing is not to confuse it with indifference and detachment.
Focus on the short term, think about what you want and, most importantly, what you can get in the near future. Satisfy some available desires - their spectrum is very wide. You just have to choose.
Perhaps now the thought of quitting a boring job doesn't seem so crazy anymore. Satisfying missing emotions or hunting for future memories is no longer seen as indulging a whim.
Do something, bring the unexplored or forgotten into your life - you're sure to find something fascinating and exciting. This will become your reference point, soon a new hope will come to dating as well. Mature relationships without youthful maximalism usually turn out to be more productive.
It is not excluded that this time you have everything will work out, but do not make any promises from the get-go, do not swear eternal fidelity. After all, you don't know exactly what you want to do in a month or who you want to be a year later.
Big point
If improvisation and new plans fail, just stop and look the other way. The most sarcastic judges no longer have a say, there is only the real you with your real life. Take your time, but don't sit back either. Seek, try, evaluate.
Once you have tasted success, even in something small, do not refuse to repeat the experience. Perhaps you have just that short-term goal in front of you, a fleeting attraction that will become the new meaning of life.
This is why you should start filling the void with something within reach. Feel the space around you, take a few jabs, but sooner or later you'll find something worthy of attention.
All short-term goals have the potential to lengthen. At the same time it is easy to give up on them, because before the transformation they were just easy hobbies, personal whims that have no special value.
Search for self-actualization
A child needs an authoritative reference point, preferably a person recognized by society who has achieved high results. However, in adulthood, such a comparison can do more harm than good. The difference is due to the changed circumstances.
In the first case, we are talking about the very beginning of life's journey, an almost unlimited supply of time, which can be used to acquire any knowledge and skills. A few years ago you were more promising, had much more opportunities and could really become anything.
In the second case - the missed years turn into natural limitations. Therefore, you should also approach the issue of self-actualization less demanding.
You probably won't be able to write your name in the history books, make the discovery of the century, or fly to the moon. You probably won't become a billionaire or a global celebrity.
On the other hand, you can still have a great time, live a good life. Why not call it self-actualization? It is the wasted life that many regret at the end.
A life filled with events and details is not a trifle unworthy of attention. Happiness is achievable without grandiose plans and great achievements. It is enough to find the right place for yourself, preserving human dignity.
by