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Unwanted memories can sound like an annoying song in your head.
Whether they are embarrassing, painful or traumatic, they get in the way of enjoying life. And there are a few ways to help you say goodbye to them.
Process the feelings associated with the memory
Painful memories bring suffering because they are filled with unprocessed feelings. And if we try to push them away, we will never fully deal with the negative emotions.
One way to process the feelings lurking deep inside is to write an expressive letter.
Carve out twenty minutes in a quiet environment, grab a piece of paper and a pen. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, style or structure - just write about your deepest thoughts and feelings about the painful memory. Try to reflect in your writing what you wouldn't talk about with anyone else.
After expressing your emotions on paper, don't reread them - burn or tear the sheet into small pieces and then send it to the trash.
Keep track of memory triggers
To deal with painful memories, you need to identify what triggers them.
You may notice patterns if you keep a detailed diary, tracking the moments when unpleasant episodes from the past come to mind.
Understanding these triggers will enable you to anticipate and prepare for potential emotional reactions and avoid certain moments if necessary.
Get rid of the things that bind you to the past
Sometimes things that are closely associated with the past are constant reminders of what happened and cause painful memories.
For example, if the cactus standing next to your computer is a constant reminder that it was a gift from an ex, it is better to give it to good hands.
By consciously changing your environment, you are taking an active part in your healing process by creating a space that promotes positivity and growth rather than pain and nostalgia.
Create new associations
If you can't get rid of things that are triggers, create new associations for them.
For example, imagine that when you smell cinnamon, you don't remember an unpleasant incident from your childhood, but an evening when your grandmother baked cinnamon buns in the oven.
Or you might make cinnamon pancakes with a buddy to have a great time and change the trigger pattern, creating a new memory.
Turn your pain into a project to help others
Turning a negative memory into an art project or creative endeavor is a good solution. It helps you get over the painful experience, and it may also be a way to help others who are going through something similar.
When you begin to express the unpleasant memory in creative ways, such as describing it in a story or drawing a skit about it, it will begin to take on new associations and become not just a source of pain, but a testament to your resilience and purpose.
Sharing your work with others can be just as powerful. It's an act of vulnerability that invites conversation and offers solace to those struggling to overcome their own difficulties.
Seek a new understanding of events
Real-life example: when you remember breaking up with an ex-girlfriend, it primarily triggers negative emotions and reflections about the event.
However, one way to cope with this memory is to focus on the positive aspects or seek a new understanding of what happened.
After thinking about what happened, you might note that the breakup inspired you to reconsider what traits and characteristics you want to see in the girl you will start a new relationship with.
Also, rethinking the situation often leads to a positive understanding of an unpleasant situation. Yes, you broke up, it's hurtful and painful, but on the other hand, it's better to break up a relationship that doesn't work than to regret years later that you wasted your time on the wrong person.
Learn to be in the present
Sometimes it is impossible to hide from intrusive thoughts about the negative past. They arise in your head time and time again, and not at the most opportune moments.
To stop dwelling on them, you need to learn to focus on the present. Yes, it will take a lot of effort and willpower to chase them away, but it will help reduce anxiety and put unpleasant memories in your baggage, not letting them control your life.
Take time to notice small details, such as the sounds and smells that surround you. This will help bring you back to the present moment when a flood of thoughts takes over your mind.
You can also choose a quote that you like to repeat whenever painful memories make themselves known. It will be a grounding point and a reminder that you have a choice of what to think about.
Live life to the fullest
Many people notice that negative memories take over during moments of idleness. To face unpleasant thoughts less often, and to change your focus to more positive things, try to make your life busy.
If you tend to spend a lot of time alone, distract yourself with a good book or find a new hobby. Remember: the more time you spend doing nothing, the more often you will reflect on what hurt you.
Being physically active, attending events, creating something new, volunteering, socializing with friends - all of these will help push unpleasant memories to the back of your mind and create new ones that are so joyful you'll want to refer to them as often as possible.
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